Просто Ди - Voices of Friends

Страна: Беларусь

Мне 30, по образованию — преподавательница английского языка. В данным момент осваиваю новую профессию. Увлекаюсь много чем, больше всего словами на разных языках и их использованием, автомобилями и автоспортом, нри (настольно-ролевыми играми, я мастер) и компьютерными играми. Творчеством занимаюсь с 15 лет.

Country: Belarus

I’m 30 years old, I’m an Eglish teacher. Currently I’m studying a new profession. I have many hobbies, most of all — words in different languages and how to use them, cars and motorsports, TtRPGs (tabletop role-playing games, I am a master) and computer games. I have been writing since I was 15.

Отрывок из любовных писем “(Self)Love”

“According to Stanislavsky”

I wanted to touch you

With everything and doesn’t matter how

With my eyes — just looking at you,

With conversations to touch your soul

Because it seemed so beautiful to me.

With compliments — to touch things you don’t like about yourself

I really wanted you to see yourself how i see you.

To touch your life with my existence in it

To touch everything that is important to you

To touch you in your safe space,

With touch to share everyday life

I really wanted.

I failed.

This is my body, my face, my voice.

I don’t like them.

I wish i had them more beautiful than they are

I wish i was more pretty,

Lighter for people to comprehend me,

I wish i was different

I wish i had all of my parts more likeable

But i don’t

I don’t and moreover —

I couldn’t.

Could never.

I can’t change them.

I wish i could put tons of plaster all over myself

To hide the sharp and sticking out parts,

Put a fake person on to do stuff for me

And the tragic thing — i know for sure they will be much more successful than me

But

Even if and when i don’t like myself

It doesn’t mean i’m not capable of great things.

Because i am.

—

This is my body, my face, my voice

I don’t like them.

I wish i was more beautiful

But i don’t

I’m just not

And i have to learn to live with that:

Find my worth beyond that noise

And honestly — despite everyone else’s opinion about me.

Despite that fancy and expensive «self love»

When i lack even self care.

—

This is my body, my face, my voice

I don’t like them

I wish i had something better

But i don’t

And I can’t

So i just have to make a masterpiece out of this shit bag —

Like if you have enough glitter and hot glue you can create anything, you just add more

(Gay joke)

I just Have to succeed because if anyone’s life is worth living

Then it includes mine as well.

Because I’m fucking capable of so many amazing things

And i’m so tired pretending i’m not.

I’m so tired of dimming myself for those who don’t give a shit about me

And never could.

And never will.

So i just have to do

Not even for myself,

coz sometimes that bitch’s pissing me off so hard i wish i could punch her

But for that little one who is constantly questioning one’s live and existence,

Who’s constantly told lies about how stupid and awful they are

Who constantly knows only fear and pain

Who’s so great they don’t know it because no fucking one ever told them this.

I just have to

For them

So they could hear

Unfortunately maybe the first time in their lives —

You are not stupid

You are not awful, you are not lazy

And for god’s sake — IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

It’s not.

It never was.

And

I’m proud of you

You’re doing so fucking great

You’re unique and you are a gift to this world.

Don’t rob the world of a chance to have the absolute pleasure of getting to know your light

And how bright you can shine.

And the last thing

You know

You are

Goddamn

Beautiful.

Don’t be such an ex that never leaves

That keeps lingering around —

Silent presence of former pain